Town's Holiday Stroll Goes Awry When Giant Gingerbread Cookie Gets Drunk On Eggnog

COOKIE STROLL — Tuesday evening, the town’s holiday stroll was left in tatters after a life-size gingerbread cookie hired to bring holiday cheer became visibly inebriated off eggnog and wreaked havoc on the event.

“It drank 7 pitchers of the stuff within 10 minutes before we had to shut down the whole event,” said cookie stroll headmaster Bianca Hutchins as her poodle dragged her around on his leash eating up the cookie’s crumbs like a dust buster.

According to town resident, Ted Monrowski, the cookie immediately gravitated to an eggnog table and chugged a pitcher of the holiday drink before yelling things like “Hey look I’m Santa!” as it scooped marshmallow out of someone’s else’s drink and made a “snowbeard”, in the cookie’s words.

“It was yelling ‘more eggnog, need more eggynog!’ before it ziplined across the stroll on a piece of garland and landed in a snowbank,” continued Ted as he picked a a gingerbread crumb out of a holly shrub.

The cookie was then seen walking on top of a wall where it tried to cannonball into a pitcher of the farm fresh eggnog like a cliff diver but was placed in protective custody by stroll security before it could belly flop on the table from above.

The Eggnog Awareness Campaign (the EAC) weighed in saying Bianca should’ve known better than to leave the cookie unattended at a holiday event.

“Eggnog tends to have this effect, I assume the cookie just couldn’t handle the intoxicating nutmeg content,” said the EAC as they aired a PPT file of eggnog science. “Combine that with a cookie at a holiday stroll while Jingle Bells played in the background you’re just straight up asking for this outcome. It could’ve been a lot worse, the town’s lucky it’s still on the map to be honest.”

The cookie was seen calling the EAC to post bail while sitting in town jail so it could go back for more.