Fare thee well beer! This hangover has all but consumed me and I've had it! I swear to god I’m never drinking again. Please respect my last beer-drinking wishes:

• My cherished foam beer koozie goes to Krissy.

• The souvenir shot glass from Tombstone, Arizona goes to Jimmy. 

• The beer funnel used for special events goes to the gang (you know who you are). 

• My best beer-drinking Irish pub sweatshirt goes to Ted. 

• The beirut table and ping pong balls can go down to the senior’s club.

• My beer drinking lawn chair shall be placed outside my favorite bar. 

• The frozen pizzas in my fridge that were saved for post-bar late night eats shall be divided and consumed amongst friends at dusk like the Last Supper.

• The contents of a canned beer shall be scattered across the floor of every dive bar in town.

Now let’s all raise a glass and cheers to annul this as my hangover has now passed!