Bar Regular Bops Head Off Billiard Light, Now A "Genius"

BUCKETS DIVE BAR — In a rather extraordinary event down at Buckets Dive Bar, establishment regular, Petiksa Baloney bopped his head off a billiard light during a game of pool and is now claiming he can calculate tip using his own mind power rather than a calculator which is suddenly for “morons”, according to Baloney.

“I’ve seen this in movies, someone hits their head, say on a ladder or what not, and they all of a sudden know things they never knew before,” said Baloney as he donned a pair of spectacles for dramatic effect. “I just never thought it would happen to me,” continued Baloney as he assembled a bar top seating area for “high IQ patrons only”.

“After he bopped his head, he just started doing the math on our tabs saying stuff like ‘the tip is the square root of 520 quintillions, if you chumps can figure that one out,’” said regular, Katrina Yappy, who took out a calculator to check Baloney’s math only to find out it was off by $10,000.

“Baloney began writing equations on the window of the bar with billiard chalk like he was Einstein saying the answer to billiards is infinite and that he theoretically already won the game of pool, in his mind,” said pool player, Fred Bonanza, who was fed up with Baloney’s new found intelligence. 

Baloney’s only supporter, “Rex”, weighed in saying he also hopes to become an instant genius by bopping his head off a billiard light.

“It must be a curse for Baloney being the only wiz in the room,” said Rex, who intentionally bopped his head on the billiard light to see if his IQ spontaneously increased as well. “Hopefully, us two will be able to engage in some smart people discussions once my genius kicks in, which should be any minute now.”